SECRETS OF MARRIAGE

MERITS AND DEMERITS

Know, 0 dear readers, that there are differences of opinions among the learned men about the merits of marriage. Some say that for divine service marriage is better, some say that to remain unmarried is a means of increasing divine service. The following are the proofs that marriage is better. God says : Marry your widows. God says : Don't prevent them in taking husbands. God says in praising the Prophets : I have sent Prophets before you and gave them wives and children. By this, God gives superiority to marriage. The Prophets also prayed for good children. God says : They pray : 0 our Lord, give us such wives and children out of our descendants who will console our eyes and make the God. fearing among them leaders. Out of the Prophets, Jesus Christ did not marry but he will marry after his second advent.

HADIS : The Prophet said: Marriage is my sunnat (way), whose diverts from my sunnat is not of me. He said : Marriage is my way, whose loves my conduct should follow my way, He said : Unite in marriage tie, your numbers will increase. I will boast justly on seeing your numbers on the Resurrection Day in comparison with the followers of others. He said : He who does not marry fearing poverty is not of me. He said : Let them marry who have got means. He said : Let him marry who has got strength as marriage shuts up eye, sight and protects private parts. Let him fast who has got no means to marry as fasting is for him like castration. Castration means to remove sexual passion. Fasting brings weakness of body. The Prophet said When a man comes to you whose religion and trust please you, give in marriage to him. If you do not do it, there will be disasters and quarrels in the world. This encouragement has been given fearing disturbance and disorder. He said : He who marries and gives in marriage becomes entitled to God's care. He said : He who marries fulfills half of his religion. Let him fear God for the second half.' Generally private parts and belly create disorder in the religion of a man. Marriage removes that disorder. The Prophet said : The actions of a man come to an end except three- (1) a religions issue who prays for him, (2) a 2:21recurring charity and (3) a religious book. A religious issue is impossible without marriage.

Wise sayings : Hazrat Omar said : Two things prevent marriage- inability and being a sinner. It appears from this that religion does not prohibit marriage. Hazrat Ibn Abbas said : No divine service becomes complete without marriage. Hazrat Omar married many wives and said : I marry for children. A companion renunciated the world and stayed with the Prophet and passed nights with him. He said to him : Will you not marry ? He said : 0 Apostle of God. I am a poor man, I have got no means. Shall I be deprived of rendering service to you ? The Prophet remained silent. He again told this to him and he replied as before. The companion then thought within his mind : The Apostle of God is well aware which thing will bring us near God and what will be our good in this world and the next. I shall certainly marry. The Prophet said to him for the third time : Will you not marry ? He said : 0 Prophet of God, get me married. A certain hermit was superior for divine service to all the people of his time and when his case was mentioned to the Prophet of his age he said : How good he is but he has given up one habit. Being grieved, he asked that Prophet about it and he said : You have not married. He said : I am poor man. I have got no means to bear its expense. He said : I will give my daughter in marriage to you. This he did. It is said that Hazrat Ali had four wives.

In short, marriage is a part of sunnat and the practices of the Prophets. A man asked Ibrahim-b-Adham : Good news to you. You can engage yourself in divine service as you are alone. He said : Your prayer in the midst of your family is better than my entire divine service. He asked : Then why do you not marry ? He said : I have got no necessity of women. I don't wish to retain connection with any women. Some one said : The rank of a married man in comparison with that of an unmarried man is equal to the rank of a Mujahid in comparison with a worshipper. One rakat prayer of a married man is better than seventy rakats of prayer of an unmarried man.

REASONS FOR NOT MARRYING

The Prophet said : After two hundred years. A man who will have no wife and children will be better. A time will come over men when he will be destroyed by his wife, parents and children.

2:22They will give him such trouble which will be out of his capacity. As a result, he will adopt such measures for which his religion will be ruined and he will be destroyed. The Prophet said : One of the two reasons of wantlessness is a less number of family members. One of the two reasons of poverty is having too many persons. Abu Sulaiman Darani was once asked about marriage and he replied : Patience of not having a wife is better than having patience of duty towards her; and the patience of duties towards her is better than patience at Hell-fire. He also said : He who searches for three things becomes attached to the worldsearching for livelihood, marrying a woman and writing stories. Hazrat Hasan said : When God wishes good of a man. He does not keep him engaged in family and property.

BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE

There are five benefits of marriage (1) to have children, (2) to control sexual passion, (3) to find peace of mind, (4) to increase divine service (5) and to get rewards of duties to family.

(1) To have children. This is the root for which marriage is contracted. The object. is to preserve dynasty and the earth not existing without men. FOUR OBJECTS are fulfilled in having children-(a) Increase of mankind, (b) the love of the Prophet is searched by increasing his followers, (c) after death, the prayers of religious children are sought, (d) If the issues die before death, their intercession is sought. First object is very subtle and not within easy comprehension of man. It is a natural truth and the following is its proof. Take for instance that an owner of land handed over the seeds of crops and instruments of cultivation to a servant and gave him also the land for cultivation. The servant did not cultivate it, kept the instruments useless and destroyed the seeds. It is clear that he becomes then an object of wrath of the master. Similarly God created man and women he created life germ for production of children in the back of a man and the breast of a woman. The uterus is the fertile field and the male organ and the female organ are the instruments of cultivation. He also created sexual passion in the male and female for creating child by using the instruments of their organs. These prove the objects of God. The Prophet also clearly proved it by saying Marry and keep dynasty.' He who does not marry destroys the seeds and keeps the instrument useless and idle and goes against the object of God. For this reason to kill the child and to bury it 2:23alive have been prohibited. QUESTION may be asked that when the object of God is to preserve dynasty, then why He prescribed it destruction by death. Life and death though opposed to each other are within the will of God as love and hatred though opposed to each other are within God's will. God says : He does not love infidelity for His servants. There is in a Hadis Qudsi that God said : I feel no greater grief for anything than to take the life, of My Muslim servant. He considers death as disliking to him and I don't like to trouble him, but there is no escape from death. God says : I have prescribed death among you. He says : I have created life and death. So the words of God-I have fixed death among you' and I don't wish to inflict trouble on him-these two verses are not opposed to each other, but they express truth. This is the will of God.

(2) Second object of children : By marriage, love is expressed towards the Prophet and efforts are made to increase his followers as he will boast for the increased number of his followers on the Resurrection Day. The Prophet said : A prison in a corner of a house is better than a childless woman. He said : Among your woman, a lovely woman producing many children is better. He said : An ugly woman with children is better than a beautiful woman having no children. It appears from the above traditions that the object of marriage is to get children and not only satisfaction of sexual passion.

(3) Third object of children. If anybody leaves a religious son or daughter, the or she may pray for his or her dead parents. There is in Hadis that the actions of a man end by death except his three actions. He mentioned among them a religious issue. The Prophet said : The invocations are presented like the layers of light of a dead man. If an issue is religious, his parents get the rewards of his pious actions and invocation as he is the earning of his parents, but his parents are not punished for his sins as nobody bears the burden of another. God says : I will attach them to their issues and they will suffer no loss owing to their evil actions but their good deeds will increase owing to the good deeds of their children.

(4) Fourth object of children. If a child dies before his father or mother, he will make intercession for his father or mother. The Prophet said : A child will carry its parents towards Paradise. There is another Hadis : He will draw his parents as I draw your 2:24cloth. He said : It will be said to the child : Enter Paradise. He will go to the door of Paradise and say in an angry mood : I will not enter Paradise without my parents. It will then be said to him Admit his parents along with him in Paradise. There is in another Hadis : The children will be brought along with other men in the place of judgment. The angels will be said: Take their children to Paradise. They will be waiting at the door of Paradise . They will be said : Welcome to the Muslim children. Enter and there is no account on you . They will say : Where are our parents? The guard will reply : Your parents are not like you. They have got sins and faults for which they will be summoned and they will be called to account. Then they will make tremendous noise before Paradise. God will say : What is this cry for ? They will then disclose the above thing. God will say : Leave them all, so that they can take their parents to Paradise . The Prophet said : he whose two children predeceased him will be safe from Hell. He said : God will admit out of His mercy one whose three issues who have not attained puberty predeceased him He was asked : 0 Messenger of God , if two of them predeceased ? He said : Even if two predeceased him.

(2) Second benefit of marriage is to be safe from the devil, to satisfy lust and to save private parts. The Prophet said : If a man marries, half of his religion is saved. Fear God for the remaining half. The Prophet said : let one who is unable to marry fast, as fast for him is the means of controlling passion. The pleasure which lies in sexual intercourse is only an example of next worldly happiness. There is no benefit in a thing of which there is no pleasure. A minor boy will not get any pleasure in sexual intercourse nor there is any benefit in it. A boy shall not find any taste in reign, nor there is any taste in it. God created pleasure of the world with this object that if the people have pleasure they will be eager to have lasting pleasure of the next world. To get this pleasure divine service is necessary. The marriage is a means of saving oneself from the oppression of sexual passion. Heart is the root of all actions of a traveller towards the next world. Hazrat Ibn Abbas said : The worship of a man does not become perfect without divine service. Got says that man has been created weak. Hazrat Akramah and Mujahid explain this that man cannot be patient regarding women. Faiaz-b-Nazih said When the male organ of a man stands erect., two third of his intellect go away. God says : When there falls the darkness of 2:25night, seek refuge from its evils. Hazrat Ibn Abbas explain this by saying : Seek refuge from the devil when the male organ stands erect. The Prophet said . 0 God I seek refuge to Thee from the evils of my ears, my heart and myself. He said : I pray to Thee for purity of my mind and protection of my private parts. The sage Junaid said : Sexual intercourse is as much necessary for me as food in necessary. The Prophet said : If the look of man falls on my woman, let him turn it towards himself and cohabit with his wife, in that case his evil desire will go away. Hazrat Jaber reported that once the Prophet looked to a certain woman. He soon went to his wife Zainab and performed his necessity. After that he came out and said ; If a woman comes in front, she comes as a devil. If one of you sees a woman who pleases him, let him come to his wife as what is near that woman is also near his wife.. The Prophet said : Don't go to a woman in absence of her husband as the devil runs through your veins like the circulation of blood. We asked him : In your case also ? He said : In my case also but Got helped me over him and he submitted to me. This means : I have been saved from the machinations of the devil.

Once a young man asked Hazrat Ibn Abbas : I am a young man, I have got no wife. I fear sin in most cases and many a time I take out semen by hand pollution. Is there any sin in it ? Hazrat Ibn Abbas turned his face from him and said : Alas ! it is better to marry a slave girl than it, but it is better than fornication. Sexual passion is so strong in some man that one wife cannot satisfy him and so there is provision of marrying four wives. Hazrat Ali took a wife seven days after the death of Fatima. It is said that Hazrat Hasan took many wives but not more than four at a time. The Prophet said to Hasan : You have got in you my character, and appearance. The Prophet said : Hasan is from me and Hussain is from Ali. Some of the companions had three or four wives and those who took two wives were many.

(3) Third benefit of marriage: Marriage brings peace in mind and there grows love between the couple. This peace of mind is necessary for divine service. God says : He created you from a single person and created his mate from him, so that he may find consolation in her. Hazrat Ali said : Give peace to mind as it becomes blind when it becomes disturbed. There is Hadis that the there are three special times for a wise man ; he speaks secretly with his lord at one time, he takes accounts of his actions 2:26at another time and he remains busy with his food and drink at another time. In another narration, a wise man in not desirous expect of three matters : to earn the livelihood of the next world, to earn the livelihood of this world and to take taste of lawful things. The Prophet said : There is effort in every action and there is langour in every effort. He who takes langour goes towards my sunnat and guidance. The Prophet said : On complaint to Gebrail about the lessening of my sexual passion, he advised me to take Harisah. The Prophet said : Three things are dear to me among your earthly matter-scent, woman and prayer, the latter is the doll of my eyes. This comfort is necessary for peace of mind.

(4) Fourth benefit of marriage: Leisure is found for divine service. The wife lessens the duties of a man regarding cooking of food, spreading of bed, cleansing of utensils and other duties of livelihood. A chaste and religious wife helps here husband in this manner. Solaiman Darani said : A religious wife does not only appertain to three things of enjoyments of the world, rather such a woman is one of the instruments of the next world. She gives leisure to her husband for doing divine service by performing house-hold duties and satisfying his sexual passion. The Prophet said : Let one of you have a grateful heart, a remembering tongue and a chaste wife helping him for the next world. Hazrat Omar said : Noting better has been given to a man after faith than a virtuous wife. No wealth is compared as valuable to a man as a chaste wife. The Prophet said: I have been given superiority over Adam for two conducts. Adam's wife was his helper in a sinful act but my wives are my helpers in my religious affairs. The devil-was disobedient to Adam but he submitted to me and he orders me nothing but truth.

(5) Fifth benefit of marriage: There are some duties arising out of marriage which are considered as divine service-to maintain family, to have patience at the character and conduct of the wife, to bear the hardships of the family members, to try to do good to them, to show them the path of religion, to earn for them lawful things and to educate the children. The Prophet said: One day of a just ruler is better than divine service for seventy years.' To rule a family is no less task than a king. He said : Be careful, everyone of you is a ruler and everyone of you will be asked about his subjects. The Prophet said : What man spends for his family will be considered as an act of charity. Even if he lifts a 2:27morsel of food to the mouth of his wife, he will get rewards therefor. A learned man mentioned about his actions regarding his pilgrimage, jihad and other good works to another learned man. The latter said : you are far away in comparison with the religious acts of Abdals. He asked him : What are those ? He said Those are lawful earnings and expense for family. The Prophet said : He whose prayer is good, who has got a big family, whose wealth is little and who abstains from defaming the Muslim will live in Paradise with me like these two fingers. He said : God loves the poor man having a big family and refraining from begging. There is in another Hadis that if the sins of the family members of a man become large, God tries them therewith that they may be expiations of his sins. A certain wise man said There is a certain sin of which there is no expiation except patience at the trouble of maintaining a family. The Prophet said If a man has got three daughters and he spends for their maintenance, God makes Paradise sure for him, except one whose sin in not pardonable.

HARMS OF MARRIAGE There are three harms of marriage:

(1) Lawful earnings become difficult as a result of marriage. There is in Hadis that if a man earns virtues to the height of mountain, he shall have to wait near the Balance and accounts will be taken from him of his wealth, of his expenditure, of his maintenance and other matters. The children will say to God on the Resurrection Day : 0 our Lord, take from him the account of his duties towards us, he did not teach us what we did not know and he gave us unlawful food to eat without our knowledge. Take compensation from him for these. The Prophet said Nobody will meet God with a greeter sin than with a sin of keeping his family members uneducated. Very few people will get release from this danger.

(2) Second harm of marriage is the lack of duty towards family members, to lose patience at their character and conduct and no to forbear the hardship inflicted by them. The Prophet said : Sufficient for the sin of a man is not to fulfill his duties of maintenance for which he is responsible. He also said : The fleeing of a man from his family is like that of a slave from his master. His prayer and fast are not accepted till he returns.' He 2:28who neglects to do his duty of maintenance is like a fleeing man even though he remains present. God says : Save yourselves and your family members from Hell. The sage Ibrahim-b- Adham raised objection to marry saying : I don't wish to let any woman do any fault and I have got no necessity for woman.

(3) Third harm of marriage is to keep away the family members and children from the remembrance of God, to encourage them to hoard up wealth and to search for objects of pride and boast. Whatever thing diverts attention from God is a cause of misfortune. Ibrahim-b-Adham said : He who keeps sticking to the waist of his wife gets no benefit. These are the benefits and harms of marriage. To marry is better or not depends on the personal character of man. These benefits and harms are by way of advice and they show path. Marriage is good for one who is not diverted from the remembrance of God and from the path of honesty and virtue. In the contrary case, marriage is bad for him, If there is necessity of controlling sexual passion, marriage is necessary. Jesus Christ did not marry inspite of his high and lofty position as a Prophet. The Holy Prophet, placed in the highest rank among men, took several wives and yet he did not not forget God for a moment. Even he used to get revelation at the time when he was in the same bed with his wife Ayesha.

SECTION 2

RULES OF MARRIAGE

There are some rules of marriage. There are four conditions of a woman being lawful for a man. (1) Permission of guardian is necessary in case of marriage of minor boy and minor girl without which the marriage is void, Ruler or his representative is guardian in cases where there is no guardian (2) The consent of a grown up girl is necessary for her marriage, whether she is unmarried or widow. (3) Two major witnesses, are necessary. They will inform the audience of the girl's consent. (4) Proposals and acceptances of the bride and bridegroom are necessary.

Some rules of marriage- (1) Proposal of marriage is to be submitted to the guardian of the girl. Khutba must be recited before marriage along with proposal and acceptance. The guardian of the girl will say : All praise is for God and blessing on God's Apostle, I give my daughter in marriage to you. The 2:29bridegroom. will say : All praise is for God and blessings on His Prophet, I accept her in marriage on this fixed dower. (3) The bride should be informed of the condition of the bridegroom. It is better that they should see each other before marriage (4). Two witnesses are necessary for marriage. (5) One should have intention to establish sunnat of the Prophet by marriage and to seek issues. (6) It is good to perform it in the month of Shawal. The Prophet married Ayesha in Shawal and took her in his house in Shawal. (7) The bride must be in pure state at the time of marriage. This means-She must not be the wife of another man. It cannot be performed during period of waiting. She must not be infidel or retrograde. She must not be a slave of another. She must not be within the prohibited degrees of the husband-mother, mother's mother, daughter, sister, father's sister, foster mother, foster sister, wife's previous husband's daughter, grand daughter, fifth wife, sister of wife who is alive or her mother's sister, a woman who cursed her husband, a woman no in Ihram state.

The following qualifications of the bride should be sought.

(1) Religion : The bride should be religious and possess good conduct. This is the main quality of the bride. A man came to the Prophet and said : 0 Messenger of God, my wife does not repulse any foreign touch. He said : Divorce her. He said : I love her. The Prophet said : Then keep her. The Prophet said : Marry a girl for her wealth, for her beauty, for her qualities and for her religion. You should consider the attribute of her religion. May your hands be covered with dust. There is in another Hadis : He who marries a woman for beauty and wealth is deprived of her beauty and wealth. If a man marries for protection of his religion God gives him the means of beauty and wealth. The Prophet said Don't marry a woman only for her beauty, perchance her beauty will be a cause of her ruin. Don't marry her only for her wealth, perchance her wealth will make her disobedient. Marry her only for her religion. He laid a great stress on her religious habits, as such a wife becomes a helper in religion.

(2) Good Conduct : If the wife is harsh and rough and ungrateful, her harms are more than her benefits. One Azdi met Prophet Was who ordered him to marry and prohibited him to have recourse to mockery. Then he said to Azdi : Don't marry four kinds of women- (1) a woman who always seeks dresses 2:30without any reason, (2) a woman who boasts before other women regarding her wealth and riches, (3) a woman who is a sinner and unchaste and who has got friends (God says of such women Don't marry such women who take friends secretly) and (4) a woman who takes pride before here husband with haughty words. Hazrat Ali said : There are some conducts which are bad for a male but good for a female- miserliness, pride and cowardice. When a woman is miser, she protects her wealth and her husband's wealth and properties. When a woman is proud, she becomes soft and rejects doubtful talks. When a woman is coward, she keeps separate from her friends and fears to go to any place of defamation for fear of her husband.

(3) Beauty : Beauty is also to be sought of a girl as it saves one from fornication. For this reason, it is mustahab or commendable to see a bride before marriage. The Prophet said : When any of you wishes in his mind to marry a women, let him look at her, as it generates mutual love. The Prophet said: If any of you wishes ,to marry an Ansar woman, let him look at her as there is something in the eyes of Ansars.' It is said that they have got yellow colour in their eyes. Hazrat A'mash said : The result of a marriage which is performed without mutual sight of bride and bride-groom is sorrow and anxiety. The sage Malek-b-Dinar said: A man does not marry an orphan girl, but she remains pleased simply with food and clothes and there is less expense of her. The people marry girls of good fortune and wealth, but they demand fine foods, dresses. Imam Ahmad married a deaf woman although he had a beautiful cousin. He did not wish comforts and pleasures. God says : They are beautiful and good. He says : They look askance,' meaning they are loving to the husbands and eager to have their company. The Prophet said : Of all your women, the best one is she who gives her husband pleasure when he looks at her. She obeys him when he orders her and protects her body and his properties when her husband remains absent.

(4) Dower. The Prophet said : The best woman is she who is beautiful and whose dower is little. He prohibited dower beyond limit and one's capacity. The Prophet gave only ten dirhams as dower to some of his wives and some articles of household. He gave some of them dower of two mads of wheat or dates or two mads of maize. Some of the companions of the Prophet fixed dower of a piece of gold for their marriage. It is said that it valued 2:31only five dirhams. There is in Hadis that there is good in a woman who is given in marriage without delay, who gives birth to a child without delay and for whom a small amount of dower is fixed. One should not marry coveting many goods from the bride. Mutual presents are commendable and signs of love. The Prophet said ; Give present, it will beget mutual love and don't seek too much present from each other. God says : Don't give present in search of excessive presents.

(5) Bride should not be barren if it is known . The Prophet said: Marry lovely and child-bearing women.

(6) Bride should be virtuous: The Prophet said to Hazrat Jaber : Why have you not married a virgin girl, so that you could have played with her and she could have played with you ? He married a previously married woman. There are three benefits if a virgin girl is married. She loves her husband. The woman who enjoyed husband is generally addicted to her previous husband. Another benefit is that the love of the husband for his wife becomes perfect and the third benefit is that a virgin girl will not have occasion to grieve for a previous husband.

(7) She must come of a respectable family: If she comes of a good family, she can educate her issues good manners and good conduct. The Prophet said : Choose woman for your semen, as a vein is like an arrow.

(8) Bride should not be a near relative as in that case sexual passion becomes less. The Prophet said : Don't marry a near relative as in that case a child is born weak. The Prophet said : he who gets his daughter married to a transgressor, cuts of his blood tie.

SECTION 3

SOME RULES AFTER MARRIAGE

The husband shall observe twelve rules after marriage.

(1) Marriage feast is commendable. Hazrat Anas reported The Prophet once saw yellow colour on the body of Abdur Rahman-b- Auf and said : What is it? He said : I have married a woman in lieu of a piece of gold. He said : May God bless you both. Give feast with a goat. When the Prophet married Sufiyah, he gave feast with grapes and wheat. The Prophet said : Feast on 2:32the first day is a duty, feast on the second day is sunnat and feast on the third days is for show. If a man who does an act for show, God will disgrace him, It is commendable to give blessing to the bridegroom thus : May God unite you both in good. It is commendable to proclaim marriage. The Prophet said Distinguish between lawful and unlawful thing by proclamation or marriage by beating 'Daf' He said : Proclaim this marriage, perform it in mosque and beat 'Daf' for it.