Merits of Being Dutiful to One's Parents

A man came to the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) and informed him about his interest and love for fighting and immigration in the cause of Allah. The man had left behind his parents. In another narration by Abu Dawūd: "He left behind his parents crying", out of their fear of him being killed. The man was waiting for the Prophet to approve his proposal. So the Prophet asked him: "Are either of your parents alive?" He said: "Yes, both of them are alive." The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Do you seek reward from Allah?" He replied: 'Yes.' The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Then return to your parents and be the best and kindest companion for them." In the narration by Abu Dawūd: "Go back to them and make them laugh just as you made them cry." The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) guided the man to what is worthier and more obligatory on him, which is returning to his parents and giving them his best companionship. Serving the parents, obeying them, and seeking to please them is part of striving in the cause of Allah. In a narration by Al-Bukhāri and Muslim: "... then strive in their service ." The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) explicitly stated in another Hadīth that dutifulness to parents, obeying them, and kindness to them is better than fighting in the cause of Allah, as in the narration reported by Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) where he said: "A man came to the Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) and asked him about the best deeds. He said: 'Prayer.' The man asked: 'Then what?' He said: 'Jihad.' The man said: 'I have parents (meaning, my parents are still alive).' The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: 'Your kindness to your parents is better'" [Ibn Hibbān]. This Hadīth indicates that dutifulness to the parents is better than Jihad, except at times when Jihad becomes an individual obligation. In this case, it takes precedence over obedience to the parents.

منار القاري شرح مختصر صحيح البخاري، المؤلف: حمزة محمد قاسم، راجعه: الشيخ عبد القادر الأرناؤوط، عني بتصحيحه ونشره: بشير محمد عيون الناشر: مكتبة دار البيان، دمشق - الجمهورية العربية السورية، مكتبة المؤيد، الطائف - المملكة العربية السعودية،عام النشر: 1410هـ - 1990م. بهجة الناظرين، لسليم بن عيد الهلالي، دار ابن الجوزي. نزهة المتقين، د. مصطفى سيعد الخن، د. مصطفى البغا، محي الدين مستو، علي الشرجبي، محمد أمين لطفي، مؤسسة الرسالة، بيروت، الطبعة الأولى،1397هـ - 1977م، الطبعة الرابعة عشر، 1407هـ - 1987م. شرح رياض الصالحين، المؤلف: محمد بن صالح بن محمد العثيمين، الناشر: دار الوطن للنشر، الرياض، الطبعة: 1426ه. دليل الفالحين، محمد بن علان، دار الكتاب العربي. رياض الصالحين، للنووي، تحقيق: د. ماهر بن ياسين الفحل، الناشر: دار ابن كثير للطباعة والنشر والتوزيع، دمشق - بيروت، الطبعة: الأولى، 1428هـ - 2007م. صحيح البخاري، محمد بن اسماعيل البخاري، دار طوق النجاة، الطبعة: الأولى، 1422هـ. صحيح مسلم، المؤلف: مسلم بن الحجاج أبو الحسن القشيري النيسابوري، المحقق: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي، الناشر: دار إحياء التراث العربي - بيروت.

Whenever the groups of fighters from the people of Yemen came to ‘Umar ibn al-Khattāb as reinforcements to the Muslim armies in their battles, he would ask them: “Is there amongst you Uways ibn ‘Āmir.” He continued to do so till Uways (may Allah have mercy upon him) came to him. ‘Umar asked him: “Are you Uways ibn ‘Āmir?” He replied in the affirmative. ‘Umar further asked: “Are you from Qarn, of the Murād tribe?” Uways said: 'Yes.' ‘Umar asked: “Did you suffer from leprosy and were cured from it except for the spot of a dirham?” He replied in the affirmative. ‘Umar asked: “Is your mother still alive?” Uways replied: 'Yes.' Thereupon, ‘Umar said: “I heard the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) say: ‘There would come to you Uways ibn ‘Āmir along with the groups of fighters from the people of Yemen, from the Qarn branch of the Murād tribe. He was suffering from leprosy and Allah cured him except for the size of a dirham. He has a mother to whom he is dutiful. If he were to take an oath in the name of Allah that something should happen, Allah would fulfill his oath and make this thing happen. If it is possible for you, O ‘Umar, to make him ask forgiveness for you, do so.’” This should not, however, be understood to denote the superiority of Uways over ‘Umar, or that ‘Umar’s sins were not forgiven. Rather, there is a consensus that ‘Umar was superior to Uways, for the former is a Companion and the latter is a Tābi‘i. However, the Hadīth informs that Uways was a person whose supplication was readily answered by Allah, the Exalted, and that ‘Umar was instructed to seek more good and benefit from the supplication of those to whom it is hoped Allah will respond. This is similar to the Prophet’s command to us to supplicate for him, invoke the blessings of Allah upon him, and ask Allah to grant him the rank of Al-Wasīlah, even though the Prophet is the best among all the children of Adam. Then, ‘Umar asked him to seek forgiveness for him, which Uways did. After that, ‘Umar asked: “Where will you go?” Uways replied: “Kufa.” ‘Umar said: “Shall I write a letter for you to its governor ordering him to give you money from the Muslim treasury that will be sufficient for you?” Thereupon, Uways said: “It is dearer to me to be one of the ordinary and poor people.” The following year, a man from the elite people of Kufa made the journey of Hajj and met ‘Umar, who asked him about Uways. The man replied: “I left him living in a modest house and having little furniture.” Upon that, ‘Umar said: “I heard the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) say: ‘There would come to you Uways ibn ‘Āmir along with the groups of fighters from the people of Yemen, from the Qarn branch of the Murād tribe. He was suffering from leprosy and Allah cured him except for the size of a dirham. He has a mother to whom he is dutiful. If he were to take an oath in the name of Allah that something should happen, Allah would fulfill his oath and make this thing happen. If it is possible for you, O ‘Umar, to make him ask forgiveness for you, do so.’” This man went to Uways and said to him: “Ask forgiveness for me.” Uways said: “You have just returned back from a blessed journey. So, you ask forgiveness for me.” Then, Uways thought he might have met ‘Umar. So, he asked him: “Did you meet ‘Umar?” The man replied in the affirmative. Uways asked forgiveness for him. Consequently, people recognized his merit and took an interest in him. Therefore, he left Kufa and went to another place where no one knew him.

بهجة الناظرين شرح رياض الصالحين، لسليم الهلالي، ط1، دار ابن الجوزي، الدمام، 1415هـ. تطريز رياض الصالحين، للشيخ فيصل المبارك، ط1، تحقيق: عبد العزيز بن عبد الله آل حمد، دار العاصمة، الرياض، 1423هـ. رياض الصالحين للنووي، ط1، تحقيق: ماهر ياسين الفحل، دار ابن كثير، دمشق، بيروت، 1428هـ. كنوز رياض الصالحين، مجموعة من الباحثين، برئاسة حمد بن ناصر العمار، ط1، كنوز إشبيليا، الرياض، 1430هـ. صحيح مسلم، تحقيق: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي، دار إحياء التراث العربي، بيروت. نزهة المتقين شرح رياض الصالحين، لمجموعة من الباحثين، ط14، مؤسسة الرسالة، 1407هـ. دليل الفالحين لطرق رياض الصالحين، لابن علان، نشر دار الكتاب العربي.

When Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) would leave to Makkah to perform Hajj, he would bring along with him a donkey to rest on when he became tired of riding the camel. Once, he met a Bedouin and asked him: "Are you so and so the son of so and so?" He said: 'Yes.' So, Ibn ‘Umar dismounted from his donkey and said: "Take this and ride it," and he gave him a turban that was tied on his head and said to him: "Tie your head with this." It was said to ‘Abdullāh ibn ‘Umar: "May Allah guide you!" or "May Allah forgive you!" These people are Bedouins, and Bedouins are satisfied with much less – meaning why would you leave your donkey and walk on your feet and give him your turban that you wrap your head with, while he is a Bedouin who would be satisfied with much less? Ibn ‘Umar replied: "The finest form of dutifulness is maintaining relations with those whom one’s father loved." This means that it is from dutifulness that if someone’s father, mother, or relative passes away, that he shows kindness to those whom they loved, and this is not only restricted to their friends, but even their friends' relatives. He then said: "and this man's father was a friend of ‘Umar", meaning ‘Umar ibn al-Khattāb, his father. Because he was a friend of his father, he was kind and generous to him out of dutifulness to his own father ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him).

بهجة الناظرين شرح رياض الصالحين، لسليم الهلالي، ط1، دار ابن الجوزي، الدمام، 1415هـ. تطريز رياض الصالحين، للشيخ فيصل المبارك، ط1، تحقيق: عبد العزيز بن عبد الله آل حمد، دار العاصمة، الرياض، 1423 هـ. رياض الصالحين، للنووي، ط1، تحقيق: ماهر ياسين الفحل، دار ابن كثير، دمشق، بيروت، 1428هـ. رياض الصالحين، ط4، تحقيق: عصام هادي، وزارة الأوقاف والشؤون الإسلامية القطرية، دار الريان، بيروت، 1428هـ. كنوز رياض الصالحين، مجموعة من الباحثين برئاسة حمد بن ناصر العمار، ط1، كنوز إشبيليا، الرياض، 1430هـ. شرح رياض الصالحين، للشيخ ابن عثيمين، دار الوطن للنشر، الرياض، 1426هـ. صحيح مسلم، تحقيق: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي، دار إحياء التراث العربي، بيروت. نزهة المتقين شرح رياض الصالحين، لمجموعة من الباحثين، ط14، مؤسسة الرسالة، 1407هـ.

The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) invoked humiliation and disgrace to the extent that it was as if he had put his nose in the dust - repeating this thrice. He was, thus, asked: O Messenger of Allah, who is this one against whom you supplicated? He (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: The one whose parents—one of them or both—reached old age in his life, and they were not a means of admitting him to Paradise given his unkindness and undutifulness towards them.

1. Dutifulness to parents, especially in their old age and weakness, is obligatory and one of the means of entering Paradise.
2. Undutifulness to parents is one of the major sins.

صحيح مسلم (4/ 1978) (2551). بهجة الناظرين، لسليم الهلالي (1/ 394). نزهة المتقين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (1/ 308). فيض القدير شرح الجامع الصغير، زين الدين المناوي (4/ 34). شرح النووي على مسلم، (16/ 108).

The son can never repay his father for all the good he has done or fulfill all the rights his father has over him, except if the father was a slave and the son emancipated him by buying him (from his master) and setting him free.

- صحيح البخاري، للإمام محمد بن إسماعيل البخاري، عناية محمد زهير الناصر، دار طوق النجاة، الطبعة الأولى، 1422هـ. - صحيح مسلم، للإمام مسلم بن الحجاج، تحقيق محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي، دار إحياء التراث العربي. - بهجة الناظرين شرح رياض الصالحين؛ تأليف سليم الهلالي، دار ابن الجوزي- الطبعة الأولى1418ه. - نزهة المتقين شرح رياض الصالحين؛ تأليف د. مصطفى الخِن وغيره، مؤسسة الرسالة-بيروت، الطبعة الرابعة عشرة، 1407هـ. - كنوز رياض الصالحين، لحمد بن ناصر العمار، دار كنوز إشبيليا- الطبعة الأولى1430ه. - دليل الفالحين لطرق رياض الصالحين، لمحمد علي بن محمد بن علان بن إبراهيم البكري، تحقيق خليل مأمون شيحا-دار المعرفة-بيروت-الطبعة الرابعة1425ه. - شرح رياض الصالحين؛ للشيخ محمد بن صالح العثيمين، مدار الوطن، الرياض، 1426هـ.

This Hadīth indicates that both parents have a right to good companionship and utmost care of their affairs. Allah says: {Accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness} [Sūrat Luqmān: 31]. However, the right of the mother precedes the right of the father by far. The father's right was not mentioned except after the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) had emphasized the right of the mother by mentioning her three times. The mother's status is greater than the father's status, even though they both raise and bring up their children - the father with his wealth and care, and the mother with her services such as preparing their food, drinks, clothes, beds, etc. In fact, the mother suffers in raising her children greater than the father. She carries the child in her womb for nine months adding more to her pain and weakness; she gives birth to the child with hardship and severe pain as if she is almost dying; and she breast-feeds the child for two years during which she remains awake in order for him to relax and spares no effort of his betterment regardless of her pains. The Qur'an described these experiences saying: {And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months} [Sūrat al-Ahqāf: 15]. In this verse, Allah enjoined man to be dutiful to his parents and justified this injunction by listing only the suffering the mother endures as a sort of highlighting her great right on the children. Good companionship with the parents includes providing their food, drink, accommodation, clothing, and the other needs of living, particularly when they are needy. Moreover, if your parents' standard of living is low or adequate and you lead a luxurious and comfortable life, then you should raise them to your living standard or even higher. Doing this is part of your good companionship to the parents. Remember what Prophet Yūsuf did with his parents; when he was granted sovereignty, he raised his parents upon the throne after bringing them from the desert. The best manifestation of good companionship is what Allah said: {And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small"} [Sūrat al-Isrā': 23-24] So, hold back your tongue from saying bad words to them and keep them far from all things that could harm them. Speak to them kindly and be humble and obedient to them. Always supplicate to Allah for them sincerely from your heart and soul and say: "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small." Do not forget to provide your mother with special and greater care as implied by divine revelation and stated in this Hadīth.

- شرح صحيح البخارى لابن بطال - تحقيق: أبو تميم ياسر بن إبراهيم مكتبة الرشد - السعودية، الرياض الطبعة: الثانية، 1423هـ - 2003م. - الأدب النبوي لمحمد الخَوْلي، ط4، دار المعرفة - بيروت، 1423 هـ. - بهجة الناظرين شرح رياض الصالحين لسليم الهلالي، ط1، دار ابن الجوزي، الدمام، 1415ه. - رياض الصالحين للنووي، ط1، تحقيق: ماهر ياسين الفحل، دار ابن كثير، دمشق، بيروت، 1428 هـ. - رياض الصالحين، تحقيق: عصام هادي، وزارة الأوقاف والشؤون الإسلامية القطرية، دار الريان، بيروت، ط4، 1428هـ. - شرح رياض الصالحين للشيخ ابن عثيمين، دار الوطن للنشر، الرياض، 1426هـ. - شرح صحيح البخارى لابن بطال، تحقيق: أبو تميم ياسر بن إبراهيم، ط2، مكتبة الرشد - السعودية، الرياض، 1423هـ. - صحيح البخاري، تحقيق: محمد زهير بن ناصر الناصر دار طوق النجاة (مصورة عن السلطانية بإضافة ترقيم: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي)، ط1، 1422ه. - صحيح مسلم، تحقيق: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي، دار إحياء التراث العربي، بيروت. - نزهة المتقين شرح رياض الصالحين لمجموعة من الباحثين، ط14، مؤسسة الرسالة، 1407هـ.

This Hadīth states that Allah, the Exalted, has linked His pleasure to the pleasure of the parents (with their child), and His displeasure to their displeasure. Hence, whoever pleases his parents pleases Allah, the Exalted, and whoever displeases them displeases Allah.

تسهيل الالمام، للشيخ الفوزان، طبعة الرسالة، الطبعة الأولى 1427 – 2006 م. منحة العلام في شرح بلوغ المرام، لعبد الله الفوزان، دار ابن الجوزي، ط1 1428هـ. توضِيحُ الأحكَامِ مِن بُلوُغ المَرَام، للبسام، مكتَبة الأسدي، مكّة المكرّمة، الطبعة: الخامِسَة، 1423 هـ - 2003 م. فتح ذي الجلال والاكرام بشرح بلوغ المرام، للشيخ ابن عثيمين، مدار الوطن للنشر، الطبعة الأولى 1430 - 2009م. بلوغ المرام من أدلة الأحكام، لابن حجر، دار الفلق، الرياض، الطبعة: السابعة، 1424هـ. صحيح الترغيب والترهيب، الألباني، مكتبة المعارف، الرياض. سنن الترمذي، محمد بن عيسى أبو عيسى الترمذي السلمي، دار إحياء التراث العربي، بيروت، تحقيق: أحمد محمد شاكر وآخرون.

While three men were walking, it rained and they took refuge in a cave. Then a rock fell and blocked the mouth of the cave. They said to each other: Invoke Allah with the best deed that you have performed so that perhaps He will remove your distress and move this rock away. One of them said: "O Allah, I had an old father and mother. And I used to go out for grazing my camels, and when I returned home, I would milk the camels and bring the milk to my parents to drink therefrom. After them, I would let my young children, wife, and the rest of my family, such as brothers and sisters, drink from it. One night, some emergency delayed me, and when I turned back, I found my parents asleep. I milked the camels as usual and stood near my parents, disliking to awaken them or to let my children and family drink before them. The children were crying out of extreme hunger. Nevertheless, we remained in this condition till dawn, after which they woke up and I gave them the milk to drink before I gave my children any. O Allah, if You know that I did this to win Your pleasure, remove this rock a little bit so that we can see the sky." So Allah caused the rock to move a little, enabling them to see the sky. The second man said: "O Allah, I loved a cousin of mine intensely. I tried to seduce her, but she stipulated that I should pay her one hundred dinars to fulfill my desire. I collected the required amount and gave it to her; and when I sat in between her legs, she said to me: 'Fear Allah and do not commit the illegal act, and do not deflower me except lawfully.' Thereupon, I got up and left her. O Allah, if You know that I did this in pursuit of Your pleasure, remove this rock a little." So Allah, the Almighty, caused two thirds of the rock to move. The third man said: "O Allah, I employed a worker to do some work for me in return for 16 pounds of maize. When he finished the job, I wanted to pay him, but he refused to take his wage, so I took the maize and cultivated it, and I kept cultivating and selling it until I bought cows and a shepherd with its price. Later, this worker came to claim his dues, saying: 'O slave of Allah, give me my right.' I said to him: 'Go to those cows and the shepherd and take them, for they are all yours.' He thought that I was mocking him, but I affirmed that I was not, and I again told him that the cows and the shepherd were his. O Allah, if You know that I did this in pursuit of Your pleasure, remove the rock." Thereupon, Allah, the Almighty, caused the rock to move from the remaining part of the cave's mouth, so they exited it.

- صحيح البخاري، نشر: دار طوق النجاة (مصورة عن السلطانية بإضافة ترقيم محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي)، الطبعة: الأولى، 1422ه. - صحيح مسلم، تحقيق: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي، نشر: دار إحياء التراث العربي – بيروت. - عمدة القاري شرح صحيح البخاري، لمحمود بن أحمد بن موسى الحنفى بدر الدين العينى، الناشر: دار إحياء التراث العربي – بيروت. - النهاية في غريب الحديث والأثر، لابن الأثير، نشر: المكتبة العلمية - بيروت، 1399هـ - 1979م، تحقيق: طاهر أحمد الزاوى - محمود محمد الطناحي. - شرح رياض الصالحين، تأليف: محمد بن صالح العثيمين، الناشر: دار الوطن للنشر، الطبعة: 1426 هـ. - الشرح الممتع على زاد المستقنع, محمد بن صالح بن محمد العثيمين, دار ابن الجوزي, الطبعة: الأولى، 1422 - 1428 هـ. - دليل الفالحين لطرق رياض الصالحين, محمد علي بن محمد البكري, اعتنى بها: خليل مأمون شيحا, الناشر: دار المعرفة, بيروت – لبنان, الطبعة: الرابعة، 1425 هـ - 2004 م.