Men-Women Relationships

Barīrah's husband was a slave named Mugīth, and Barīrah used to serve ‘Ā’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) before she purchased her, then after ‘Ā’ishah freed her from slavery, she was given the choice whether to stay married to Mugīth or to separate from him (because she had become a free woman while he was still a slave). Barīrah chose to leave him. After this separation, Mugīth used to chase her through the roads of Madīnah crying with his tears flowing down his beard, perchance she would reconsider and go back to him. This was because of his extreme love for her. The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said to Barīrah: "If you would go back to him, you will receive reward (from Allah) for it." She said: "O Messenger of Allah, are you ordering me to go back to him?" He said: "I am only interceding on his behalf." So she said: "I have no desire or need to go back to him."

كنوز رياض الصالحين، أ. د . حمد بن ناصر بن عبد الرحمن العمار، دار كنوز اشبيليا الطبعة الأولى : 1430 هـ. بهجة الناظرين، الشيخ: سليم بن عيد الهلالي، دار ابن الجوزي. نزهة المتقين، د. مصطفى سعيد الخن، د. مصطفى البغا، محي الدين مستو، علي الشرجبي، محمد أمين لطفي، مؤسسة الرسالة ، بيروت، الطبعة الأولى : 1397 هـ 1977 م، الطبعة الرابعة عشرة 1407 هـ 1987م. شرح رياض الصالحين، المؤلف: محمد بن صالح بن محمد العثيمين، الناشر: دار الوطن للنشر، الرياض، الطبعة: 1426 هـ. رياض الصالحين، د. ماهر بن ياسين الفحل، الناشر: دار ابن كثير للطباعة والنشر والتوزيع، دمشق - بيروت، الطبعة: الأولى، 1428 هـ - 2007 م. صحيح البخاري، لمحمد بن إسماعيل البخاري، دار طوق النجاة، الطبعة : الأولى، 1422هـ. مرقاة المفاتيح شرح مشكاة المصابيح، المؤلف: علي بن (سلطان) محمد، أبو الحسن نور الدين الملا الهروي القاري، الناشر: دار الفكر، بيروت - لبنان، الطبعة: الأولى، 1422هـ - 2002م.

The basic rule states that lying is unlawful, for the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Beware of telling lies, for lying leads to wrongdoing and wrongdoing leads to hellfire. A man will keep telling lies and strive to tell lies until he is recorded with Allah as a liar” [Muslim]. However, there are three exceptions where lying is permissible: Lying for the sake of reconciliation between people; lying during war; and lying in what a man says to his wife. The Sunnah has made lying in these three cases permissible, for what it contains of benefits without resulting in any harm, as following: 1. Lying for the sake of reconciliation between two people or two tribes disputing with each other. Here, one conveys good words and narrates to one of the disputing parties that the other praised him and spoke well of him and mentioned him with good attributes. He in fact did not hear so, however, his aim is to bring them together and to remove the aversion and estrangement between them. This is permissible and there is no harm in it as long as one's aim is reconciliation and removing enmity and hatred from the hearts. 2. Lying during war: it is to display strength and say things to empower his companions, and to increase their morale, in order to defeat the enemies. It also includes saying that the Muslim army is big in number and has received strong back up, or saying: Look behind you! So-and-so has come from behind you to strike you! This is also permissible, due to what it contains of enormous benefit for Islam and the Muslims. 3. Lying between spouses: i.e. husband says to his wife "You are the most beloved person to me, and I desire only you” and similar words that induce harmony and love between them; and she says the same. This is permissible as well, due to what it contains of mutual benefits. It is noteworthy that lying between the spouses is limited to what will bring or increase harmony and love between them. It is not permissible in everything. An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy upon him) said: “Regarding man's lying to his wife and vice versa, it is intended to be a means of displaying love and devotion to one another and similar things. However deception, for the sake of evading duties or taking what is not his or her right, this is unlawful according to the scholars' consensus” [Sharh Muslim by An-Nawawi]. Al-Hafizh Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy upon him) said: “They (scholars) agreed that the permissible lying between a wife and a husband is in those things which do not entail the negligence of the duties of any of them or the acquisition of rights that they are not entitled to.”

كنوز رياض الصالحين أ. د . حمد بن ناصر بن عبد الرحمن العمار دار كنوز اشبيليا ـ الطبعة الأولى : 1430 هـ بهجة الناظرين الشيخ: سليم بن عيد الهلالي دار ابن الجوزي نزهة المتقين د . مصطفى سعيد الخن ـ د. مصطفى البغا ـ محي الدين مستو ـ علي الشرجبي ـ محمد أمين لطفي. مؤسسة الرسالة ، بيروت الطبعة الأولى : 1397 هـ 1977 م الطبعة الرابعة عشر 1407 هـ 1987م شرح رياض الصالحين، محمد بن صالح بن محمد العثيمين، دار الوطن للنشر، الرياض، الطبعة: 1426 هـ. رياض الصالحين، د. ماهر بن ياسين الفحل، الناشر: دار ابن كثير للطباعة والنشر والتوزيع، دمشق - بيروت، الطبعة: الأولى، 1428 هـ - 2007 م. صحيح البخاري، محمد بن إسماعيل البخاري، دار طوق النجاة، الطبعة : الأولى، 1422هـ. صحيح مسلم، مسلم بن الحجاج القشيري النيسابوري، محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي، دار إحياء التراث العربي - بيروت. المنهاج شرح صحيح مسلم بن الحجاج، أبو زكريا محيي الدين يحيى بن شرف النووي، دار إحياء التراث العربي - بيروت، الطبعة: الثانية، 1392. منار القاري شرح مختصر صحيح البخاري، المؤلف: حمزة محمد قاسم، راجعه: الشيخ عبد القادر الأرناؤوط، عني بتصحيحه ونشره: بشير محمد عيون، الناشر: مكتبة دار البيان، دمشق - الجمهورية العربية السورية، مكتبة المؤيد، الطائف - المملكة العربية السعودية، عام النشر: 1410 هـ - 1990 م. فتح الباري شرح صحيح البخاري، المؤلف: أحمد بن علي بن حجر العسقلاني الشافعي، الناشر: دار المعرفة - بيروت، 1379، رقم كتبه وأبوابه وأحاديثه: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي، قام بإخراجه وصححه وأشرف على طبعه: محب الدين الخطيب، عليه تعليقات العلامة: عبد العزيز بن عبد الله بن باز. معالم السنن، وهو شرح سنن أبي داود، حمد بن سليمان الخطابي، الناشر: المطبعة العلمية - حلب، الطبعة: الأولى 1351 هـ - 1932 م. مرقاة المفاتيح شرح مشكاة المصابيح، المؤلف: علي بن (سلطان) محمد، أبو الحسن نور الدين الملا الهروي القاري، الناشر: دار الفكر، بيروت - لبنان الطبعة: الأولى، 1422هـ.

The Mother of the Believers, ‘Ā’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), was asked about the condition of the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) in his home and what he used to do. She said: He was a human being like other human beings. He used to do what men do in their homes: he would serve himself and his family; he would milk his sheep, mend his clothes, fix his sandals, and patch his bucket. And when the call to prayer was made, he (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) would go out promptly to it without delay.

1. The perfect humility of the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) and his kindness toward his family.
2. The worldly tasks should not distract the servant from prayer.
3. Diligence of the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) in performing prayer at its earliest prescribed time.
4. Ibn Hajar said: It contains encouragement to be humble, avoid arrogance, and for a man to serve his family.

صحيح البخاري (1/ 136) (676). بهجة الناظرين شرح رياض الصالحين، لسليم الهلالي (1/ 660). شرح رياض الصالحين، لابن عثيمين (3/ 526). شرح صحيح البخاري، لابن بطال (2/ 296). نزهة المتقين شرح رياض الصالحين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (1/ 516).

Anas ibn Mālik reported that Abu Talhah, his stepfather, had a son who was sick. When Abu Talhah went out one day to attend to his business, his son passed away. When he returned home, he asked about his health and received the reply that he could not be more tranquil than he is now. She spoke the truth, for he was dead, although Abu Talhah thought that his son had recovered and that was why he was tranquil. She served supper, and he ate, feeling relieved due to his son's assumed recovery. They then had sexual intercourse. Afterwards, she said: “Bury the boy, for he is dead,” and Abu Talhah buried him in the morning. The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) received the news of this and asked whether they had had intercourse. Jābir replied that they had. So the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) supplicated to Allah to bless them and Umm Sulaym gave birth to a baby boy. Abu Talhah asked Anas to take the baby to the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) giving him a few dates to be chewed and rubbed by the Prophet in the boy's mouth. So the first thing to enter the baby’s stomach was the Prophet’s saliva, a source of blessing for him. When he brought the baby to the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) the Prophet asked whether he had something with him. Anas told him that he had few dates. The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) took the dates and chewed them so they would mix with his saliva and would be easy for the baby to swallow. So the first thing to enter the baby’s stomach was the Prophet’s saliva, which would make him blessed and happy. He took the chewed date out of his mouth and put it in the baby’s mouth and rubbed it. He named him ‘Abdullāh. This boy grew up and had nine children, all of whom became reciters of the Qur’an, due to the Prophet’s supplication. In the version reported by Muslim, Umm Sulaym instructed her family members not to tell Abu Talhah about his son's death so she could tell him first. After he returned home, she served him food until he was full. Then, she beautified herself and they had intercourse. She then gave him an example, likening their son to a loan that needs to be repaid to the lender. She said: “O Abu Talhah. If some people borrow something from another family and then the lenders ask for their item, would they refuse to give it back to them?’ He said: ‘No.’ She said: ‘Then, seek divine reward for the loss of your son.” Abu Talhah got angry and said: ‘You did not tell me this until I stained myself (with sexual intercourse), and now you tell me about my son!’ He went to the Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) to complain about his wife and what she had done. But the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) supplicated to Allah, the Almighty, to bless their night and the intercourse they had had during it to make it yield a good fruit. Umm Sulaym became pregnant. Later, she and her husband were with the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) on one of his journeys, and, as they were about to enter Madīnah, she felt labor pains. It was the custom of the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) not to enter Madīnah until he had sent a messenger to inform the residents of the caravan’s arrival. The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) then carried on and entered Madīnah, but Abu Talhah, attending to his wife, could not go with him. Supplicating to Allah, the Almighty, Abu Talhah said: "O Lord, You know that I love to go out with the Messenger of Allah when he goes out and enter with him when he enters, and I have been detained as You see." Umm Sulaym said: "O Abu Talhah, I do not feel as much pain as I was feeling earlier, so we had better move on." We carried on and she felt the birth pangs as they reached Madīnah and gave birth to a baby boy. She instructed Anas to take the baby to the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) and let no one suckle him, so the Prophet’s saliva would be the first thing to enter his stomach, giving him blessing in this world and in the Hereafter. The fruit of this blessing was manifested in the fact that the boy grew up and had numerous children, all of whom were righteous and successful. Concluding this commentary, we should say that seeking blessing in something discharged from the Prophet's body is a merit exclusive only to him and shared by no one else. This is clearly proved by the fact that the Companions, who lived at the time of the revelation and were most acquainted with religious matters, never sought such blessing from the rightly-guided Caliphs or any other senior Companion.

كنوز رياض الصالحين، تأليف: حمد بن ناصر بن العمار ، الناشر: دار كنوز أشبيليا، الطبعة الأولى: 1430 هـ. بهجة الناظرين، تأليف: سليم بن عيد الهلالي، الناشر: دار ابن الجوزي، سنة النشر: 1418 هـ- 1997م. تطريز رياض الصالحين، تأليف: فيصل بن عبد العزيز آل مبارك، الناشر: دار العاصمة للنشر والتوزيع، الطبعة: الأولى، 1423 هـ. نزهة المتقين، تأليف: جمعٌ من المشايخ، الناشر: مؤسسة الرسالة، الطبعة الأولى: 1397 هـ، الطبعة الرابعة عشر 1407 هـ. شرح رياض الصالحين، تأليف: محمد بن صالح العثيمين، الناشر: دار الوطن للنشر، الطبعة: 1426 هـ. دليل الفالحين، تأليف: محمد بن علان، الناشر: دار الكتاب العربي، نسخة الكترونية ، لا يوجد بها بيانات نشر. صحيح البخاري، تأليف: محمد بن إسماعيل البخاري، تحقيق: محمد زهير الناصر، الناشر: دار طوق النجاة الطبعة: الأولى، 1422هـ. صحيح مسلم، تأليف: مسلم بن الحجاج النيسابوري، تحقيق: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي الناشر: دار إحياء التراث العربي – بيروت.

‘Ā'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported in this Hadīth that the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) would cast lots to pick one of his wives to accompany him whenever he wanted to go on a journey. This was to ensure perfect justice and grant assurance and comfort to his wives' hearts. In one of his battles, the Banu al-Mustaliq Battle, the Prophet drew lots and ‘Ā'ishah's name came out so she traveled with him. She mentioned that this took place after Allah, the Almighty, had prescribed Hijāb. It is obvious that the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) would cast lots the next time he would go on a journey among the remaining wives, as the one who accompanied him in the previous journey had already taken her share. When only one remained, he would take her without casting lots.

صحيح البخاري، تأليف: محمد بن إسماعيل البخاري، تحقيق: محمد زهير الناصر، الناشر: دار طوق النجاة الطبعة: الأولى، 1422هـ صحيح مسلم، تأليف مسلم بن الحجاج النيسابوري، المحقق: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي - الناشر: دار إحياء التراث العربي – بيروت. إرشاد الساري لشرح صحيح البخاري, أحمد بن محمد بن أبى بكر بن عبد الملك القسطلاني القتيبي المصري, الناشر: المطبعة الكبرى الأميرية، مصر, الطبعة: السابعة، 1323 هـ تاج العروس من جواهر القاموس, محمّد بن محمّد بن عبد الرزّاق الحسيني، أبو الفيض، الملقّب بمرتضى، الزَّبيدي, مجموعة من المحققين, الناشر: دار الهداية توضيح الأحكام مِن بلوغ المرام، تأليف: عبد الله بن عبد الرحمن بن صالح البسام، الناشر: مكتبة الأسدي، مكة المكرّمة الطبعة: الخامِسَة، 1423 هـ - 2003 م تسهيل الإلمام بفقه الأحاديث من بلوغ المرام، تأليف: صالح بن فوزان بن عبد الله الفوزان، الطبعة: الأولى، 1427 هـ 2006 م فتح ذي الجلال والإكرام شرح بلوغ المرام لمحمد بن صالح بن محمد العثيمين، تحقيق: صبحي بن محمد رمضان، وأُم إسراء بنت عرفة، ط1، المكتبة الإسلامية، مصر، 1427هـ. منحة العلام في شرح بلوغ المرام، تأليف : عبد الله بن صالح الفوزان، الناشر : دار ابن الجوزي الطبعة : الأولى ، 1427 هـ ـ 1431 هـ بلوغ المرام من أدلة الأحكام، لابن حجر. دار القبس للنشر والتوزيع، الرياض - المملكة العربية السعودية. الطبعة: الأولى، 1435 هـ - 2014 م التيسير بشرح الجامع الصغير، للمناوي. دار النشر - مكتبة الإمام الشافعي - الرياض - 1408- 1988م.

The Hadīth indicates that a Companion came to the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) seeking advice concerning his wife. The man told the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) that his wife did not object if anyone touched her. The scholars had a great difference of opinion over the meaning of this statement. The preponderant opinion is that the woman did not avoid men and did not object to a person who touched her seeking thereby to enjoy her, or that she did not keep away from men and was not reserved in speech to them and did not screen herself from them such that they would touch her body, or they would shake hands with her and she would not avoid that. This does not mean that she would consent to adultery, because the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) would not approve the man’s marriage to an adulteress. Therefore, the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) firstly advised the man to part with her, out of sympathy for him to stay with such a woman. However, the man informed the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) about his deep love for his wife and his fear that he would miss her if he were to leave her. Then the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) felt that it was beneficial in this situation for the man to remain with his wife, for fear of the harm that would be caused by separation. Therefore, averting greater harm by engaging in an issue with lesser harm is a necessity. Moreover, the woman could probably reform in the future. Allah, the Exalted, knows best.

سنن أبي داود، سليمان بن الأشعث السِّجِسْتاني، تحقيق: محمد محيي الدين عبد الحميد: المكتبة العصرية، صيدا - بيروت. السنن الصغرى، أحمد بن شعيب النسائي، تحقيق: عبد الفتاح أبو غدة، مكتب المطبوعات الإسلامية – حلب، الطبعة: الثانية، 1406 - 1986. صحيح أبي داود، الأم، محمد ناصر الدين، الألباني، مؤسسة غراس للنشر والتوزيع، الكويت الطبعة: الأولى، 1423 هـ - 2002 م. منحة العلام في شرح بلوغ المرام: تأليف عبد الله الفوزان-طبعة دار ابن الجوزي-الطبعة الأولى 1428. توضيح الأحكام شرح بلوغ المرام: تأليف عبد الله البسام- مكتبة الأسدي –مكة المكرمة –الطبعة: الخامِسَة، 1423 هـ - 2003 م. تسهيل الإلمام بفقه الأحاديث من بلوغ المرام: تأليف الشيخ صالح الفوزان- عناية عبد السلام السليمان - مؤسسة الرسالة الطبعة الأولى. فتح ذي الجلال والإكرام بشرح بلوغ المرام للشيخ ابن عثيمين- المكتبة الإسلامية القاهرة- تحقيق صبحي رمضان وأم إسراء بيومي- الطبعة الأولى 1427. ذخيرة العقبى في شرح المجتبى، المؤلف: محمد بن علي بن آدم بن موسى الإثيوبي الوَلَّوِي،دار المعراج الدولية للنشر و دار آل بروم للنشر والتوزيع، الطبعة: الأولى/ 1416 هـ - 1996 م. عون المعبود شرح سنن أبي داود، ومعه حاشية ابن القيم: تهذيب سنن أبي داود وإيضاح علله ومشكلاته / محمد أشرف بن أمير بن علي بن حيدر العظيم آبادي: دار الكتب العلمية، الطبعة: الثانية، 1415 هـ.

In this Hadīth, Ibn ‘Abbās (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) supplicated against the effeminate men (who imitate the appearance and manners of women) and the masculine women (who imitate the appearance and manners of men). He supplicated Allah to curse them and expel them from His mercy, because their behavior is an alteration of the creation of Allah, the Almighty. He then ordered Muslims to get them out of their homes and towns to ward off their evil and to maintain the purity and chastity of the Muslim households.

- صحيح البخاري، تحقيق: محمد زهير بن ناصر الناصر، ط1، دار طوق النجاة (مصورة عن السلطانية بإضافة ترقيم: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي)، 1422ه - تسهيل الالمام، للشيخ صالح الفوزان. طبعة الرسالة. الطبعة الأولى 1427 – 2006 م - فتح ذي الجلال والاكرام بشرح بلوغ المرام، للشيخ ابن عثيمين، المكتبة الإسلامية - الطبعة الأولى 1427 - 2006م - توضِيحُ الأحكَامِ مِن بُلوُغ المَرَام، للبسام، مكتَبة الأسدي، مكّة المكرّمة، الطبعة: الخامِسَة، 1423 هـ - 2003 م - بلوغ المرام من أدلة الأحكام، لابن حجر، دار القبس للنشر والتوزيع، الرياض - المملكة العربية السعودية، الطبعة: الأولى، 1435 هـ - 2014 م - مرقاة المفاتيح شرح مشكاة المصابيح، للتبريزي، الناشر: دار الكتب العلمية، سنة النشر: 1422 - 2001 ط 1.

’Umaymah bint Ruqayqah (may Allah be pleased with her) informed that she came to the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) along with a group of women from the Ansār to pledge allegiance to him that they would not associate anything with Allah, they would not steal, they would not commit adultery, they would not bring forth falsehood that they fabricate between their hands and feet, and they would not disobey him in what is right. Thereupon, he (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: As much as you are able and can bear. We said: Allah and His Messenger are more merciful to us. Come, let us pledge allegiance to you, O Messenger of Allah, by shaking hands as men do. He (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: Indeed, I do not shake hands with women; rather, my statement and pledge to a hundred women is like my statement to one woman.

1. Clarifying the way the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) took the pledge of allegiance from women.
2. The prohibition of shaking hands with non-Mahram women.
3. Religious duties are dependent on ability and capability.

سنن الترمذي (3/ 247) (1597). سنن النسائي (7/ 149) (4181). سنن ابن ماجه (4/ 128) (2874). ذخيرة العقبى في شرح المجتبى (32/ 263).